A version of this list appears in my collection Everyone Else is Wrong (And You Know It): Criticism/Humor/Non-Fiction. Click the link to purchase the hardcover or paperback edition along with some of my other published work.
While this has not been updated to include more recent fare, the bad taste left by these films listed has never left me. The list is based purely on the let-down factor of a great film preceding it or by the sheer nonsensical nature of their existence. Unlike in my book, I elaborate more fully below on why these 10 were chosen. Happy reading(?)
10. The Neverending Story III: Escape from Fantasia (1994)
While many detest The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter (1990), this second sequel to Wolfgang Peterson's 1984 fantasy epic The Neverending Story makes that film a masterpiece by comparison. Michael Ende's engrossing and too-little read novel has never really been transferred properly to the big screen (and the book's second half would be unfilmable), but the original film has become a cult classic over time and has a charm of its own, especially with its striking special effects. This clunker, starring Free Willy's Jason James Richter, is the epitome of shark jumping into cheesy effects, unfunny comedy, and adding nothing either to Ende's folklore or the spirit of children's fantasy films.
9, Big Top Pee-wee (1988)
Tim Burton's debut Pee-wee's Big Adventure (1985) was a watershed in children's entertainment for my generation. We got our first glimpse of Burton's style, albeit in brighter colors than he would ever use again. With Randal Kleiser's sequel, Paul Reubens is given nothing to do (odd, since he is partially responsible for the screenplay). A talented cast (including Kris Kristofferson and Valeria Golino) and Danny Elfman's score are completely wasted in this lazy box office bomb.
8. The Odd Couple II (1998)
With the advent of the Grumpy Old Men franchise, Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau traded on their original chemistry in the 1968 film version of Neil Simon's play The Odd Couple. Checking in on Oscar and Felix thirty years later is not a bad idea in itself, but Simon was never as adept a screenwriter as he was a playwright, often simply translating his plays with very little changes to the silver screen. His worst film scripts, however, are based on his original film ideas and The Odd Couple II is the definition of a let-down.
7. American Psycho II: All-American Girl (2002)
Technically, this straight-to-DVD horror comedy is not a sequel to Mary Harron's 2000 adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' transgressive novel at all, but was an original story entitled The Girl Who Wouldn't Die. Knowing they had a stinker on their hands, Lions Gate Films attached the Psycho brand to it and embarrassed everybody involved, including Ellis, Mila Kunis, and William Shatner (and that's saying something*).
6. National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
John Hughes adapted his National Lampoon magazine short story "Vacation '58" into the 1983 film starring Chevy Chase that spawned a franchise well into the mid-2010s. While National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 2 (2003) is perhaps the worst, as a follow-up to the original adventure to Wally World, European Vacation is an tepid, incoherent mess as the Griswolds win a trip to Europe leading to consistently head-slapping running gags. This is not a film about ugly Americans traipsing around the Old Country, but an ugly film about ugly people who apparently populate the world. Perhaps they do, but that doesn't mean we have to see it.
5. Muppet Treasure Island (1996)
I'm often contrarian to my generation. Many will fight me on this, but their love of films like Hocus Pocus and Muppet Treasure Island mystifies me. Overblown, overcrowded, and with unquestionably worse songs than the four previous films, this Muppetized Treasure Island is saved only by Tim Curry. But, when camp is all you have to save you...let's just say there's less treasure and more bilge and barnacles.
4. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
While Superman III plunged the original Superman franchise into over-the-top comedy, that is nothing compared to the low-budget nonsense of Superman IV. When the franchise was sold to the masters of schlock Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, the cost-cutting and crude storytelling make fools of Christopher Reeve, Gene Hackman, and Margot Kidder, rending almost everything that came before it a joke. Perhaps I've got blinders on, but Richard Donner's original film remains the best film version of the Superman story while this piece of garbage is best left under lock and key.
3. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Another movie that proves when you've come to Part IV you'd better stop, Jaws: The Revenge contains perhaps the most asinine plot of all the films on this list. Since Roy Scheider refused to return to the series after Jaws 3-D sent the series into free fall, this time the shark is out for his family, including Lorraine Gary (who happened to be married to the president of Universal Studios). Legend has it Michael Caine could not accept his well-deserved Oscar for Hannah and Her Sisters because he was shooting this. I personally would have chosen to pick up my statuette, but Caine is an old-school pro even when churning out big budget D minus movies.
2. Batman and Robin (1997)
It is normally not kind to speak ill of the dead, but with Joel Schumacher and his ridiculous filmography, I'm willing to make an exception. This overblown, campy, and toyetic film was typical of the malaise of late-'90s Hollywood although so many Oscar-winners and nominees were attached to it. You sit agog at the dreck of the whole enterprise. The series had already taken a left turn with Batman Forever (and, in some ways, Batman Returns), but Holy Cow, Batman, this movie stinks.
1. Caddyshack II (1988)
Perhaps the original 1980 Caddyshack is not a great film, but Caddyshack II remains, to this day, the worst professional Hollywood film I've ever seen. James Mason takes the reins from Rodney Dangerfield and, while his standup was something to admire, he belonged in movies the way he belonged in figure skating. Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd make special appearances (unfunny ones), but it is characters like those played by Randy Quaid that make this film so painful to endure. Robert Stack remains professional throughout, but that (and a sillier gopher even than in the first film) had audiences scratching their heads and wondering, "What am I doing with my life watching this? Can I get my time and money back?"
*This is a cheap joke. I like William Shatner a lot.
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